My fiancé.
Well, I was reading my last post, and I was pretty harsh on Jon. I meant what I said, but I feel like I should counter-balance his meanness that day with the awesomesauce that he usually is.
He brings me a Diet Coke almost every night, because he knows I need one. He writes me little notes. We don’t go out on a lot of traditional dates, but he takes me out to lunch on Friday almost every week. He knows my favorite chips, my favorite wine, my favorite song. He records new “Conan” commercials for me when he sees them.
He laughs at my jokes, even when they aren’t that funny. He kisses me before he leaves for work, and as soon as he gets home at night.
He holds me when I cry, he rages at the injustice that is the family court system, he rubs my feet, he gets clothes out of the dryer to save me a trip. He calls me from work to check on me about 4 times a day.
And he constantly tells me I’m beautiful, even when I first wake up and look like death.
He’s amazing and I love him and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.
Gheegle: (Filipino) The urge to pinch or squeeze something that is unbearably cute.
Cualacino: (Italian) The mark left on a table by a cold glass.
Sgriob: (Gaelic) The itchiness that overcomes the upper lip just before taking a sip of whisky
L’esprit de escalier: (French) The feeling you…
Happy Housewife, My Rear-End!!
So today is one of my days where the mood swings are insane. One minute I’m laughing, the next minute I’m pissed, then I’m happy, then I’m sad. It’s not easy to deal with, and I’m sure it gets old to witness, but hey, it’s not that great for me, either, ya dig?
And I’m pretty good about just keeping my mouth shut. I don’t make a point of broadcasting my feelings to the household. I just do my thing, silently, and wait for the mood to shift to something more personable and likable.
I’ve been alone every night this week, with Eric gone and Jon working late shifts. The majority of my contact with Jon has been over the phone during his breaks from work.
I’m lonely!!! I’m lonely and I’m sad. So I feel like reaching out for some support. So when Jon calls, I say, “I’m sad today.”
Jon gets pissy: “YOU’RE ALWAYS SAD!!!”
I’m kind of shocked at his reaction; wounded, I reply, “No, I’m not always sad.”
Jon: “YES YOU ARE! WHAT’S THE PROBLEM NOW?”
Me: “Well, that helped. Thanks a lot.”
Jon: “FINE! I’ll just talk to you later.”
Me: “Again, another example of how you always know the right thing to say.”
Jon: “Well, what the hell do you want me to say? You’re sitting there cussing at me-“
Me: “I…didn’t? What do you mean?”
Jon: “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID!”
Me: “…”
Jon: “Okay, tell me then, what’s wrong this time?”
Me: *sighing* “Nothing. I’m not sad. I’m fine. That’s what you needed to hear, that’s what will make you happy. I’m fine. Happy as a clam. Rainbows are shooting from my ass right now.”
Jon: “I’ll call you back later.” *click*
I wanted to say, “Hey, jackass, cut me some slack here. Just because I don’t work doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to a little TLC. I keep this house clean, keep the food cooked, keep the clothes washed, keep the bills paid on time, everything to make this household run smoothly so that you don’t have to worry about ANYTHING except going to work and coming home. I am a mom and a housewife and my job is just as hard as yours, and I don’t get a paycheck for it.
I can’t decide to dip into the bank account for a new book or a pair of shoes because you worked for that money and out of RESPECT I ask your permission first.
I spend my days missing three-fourths of my heart because I miss my three youngest babies so much it’s hard to breathe, you’re lucky I don’t spend every damn day in tears.
I stay up late every night to spend time with you and get up early every morning to take Eric to school, so I’m sleep deprived 95% of the time.
You get home and expect a fresh meal cooked, you plop on your butt and I wait on you hand and foot because you deserve it after working the hours that you do, especially with all the stress you’re under these days. I rub your feet and listen to you bitch and moan about your crappy bosses and the demands they make on you. I don’t tell you about my day because there isn’t much to tell, although it would be nice if you would ask.
On your days off, we do what you want because you work hard and you deserve to enjoy your days off. I have NO LIFE other than this house and this family and I love it, but I do get tired of the same thing all the time.
So when I say to you, “I’m sad,” I would hope that you would at least show some interest as to why. I know you can’t snap your fingers and fix the problem, but just listening would help a lot. Especially when I’m already feeling alone.”
But I won’t say it. I know he’ll make it up to me in some way, probably tomorrow. He isn’t just some callous, uncaring jerk. He loves me with all his heart and soul and I know he cares, it’s just hard for him to snap out of that work mode and think about how things affect me.
Until then, however, I’m still sitting here, sad and lonely, without a drop of booze in the house to make it better.
Reblog if you actually took one or two minutes to pray for the people suffering, instead of just reblogging those posts.
Praying for you and everyone involved.
japan. it hasn’t even hit me yet, that this is my life.
watching this on the news…it’s very scary, like a bad horror movie. and yet, this is very real.
as you know, i live in japan. i’m writing this to you in between aftershocks; in between each evacuation of my home. i felt the earthquake. i feel the aftershocks. i saw the trains stop midway down the tracks. i heard the sirens and horns of emergency vehicles down my street. i watched as the connections on our phones shut down. i have only luck and the prayers of many from all across the world to thank for the fact that my city of tokyo is not underwater yet.
so please. please. even if just for a second, even if you’re not assigned to any faith. as someone who is witnessing this first-hand, i ask of you, please take a moment out of your day to pray for all areas of japan that have been affected by the earthquake as well as by the resulting tsunami. and please keep all areas that have been issued a warning or advisory - not just japan, but its loving neighbors and friends as well - in your thoughts and in your hearts during the coming days.
thank you.
Proving to your son that you aren’t a lame-o.
Method 1: Don’t tell him to turn the music down. It’s easier when you can get down with Cobra Starship, Muse, Staind, and all the same stuff he’s into. Bonus points if you’re the one who introduced him to it in the first place.
Method 2: Get as excited as he is when you see the trailer for the new Transformers movie. Nostalgia is making the big bucks off of us, the younger parents, so we might as well embrace it.
Method 3: Do not, under any circumstances, talk to him like he’s less than a person. He’s pretty smart, probably smarter than you were at 10. Hell, he’s probably smarter than you are now. Don’t let him know that, of course.
Method 4: Don’t demand his unquestioning silence. Let him voice his opinions in a respectful manner. This is easier to accomplish if you lead by example.
Method 5: When you’re talking to him about drugs, alcohol, and sex, just frigging be honest about your past exploits. He’s more likely to listen to you that way than if you lie. “I’ve never touched it, and neither will you!” Bullcrap. You did something, somewhere along the line. And he WILL find out and he WILL call you a hypocrite and he WILL run right out and do whatever it is that you don’t want him to do.
Method 6: It’s not the end of the world if he wants to wear his hair long, if he wants to wear all black, if he wants to sit in his room by himself and avoid everyone for a day. He’s trying to figure out who he is! Respect him, encourage him, bite your tongue if it bugs you. If you show him that any type of rebellion would be completely wasted on you, he’s not going to do it. If he’s not breaking the law, let it go.
Method 7: When he steps out of line, don’t just yell at him and dole out a punishment. Explain why he can’t engage in that particular behavior. And let the punishment fit the crime! Don’t waste the big ones on small offenses. He’s not going to care about why you’re punishing him if you’re always doing the same thing over and over and never telling him why it’s wrong in the first place.
Bottom line: Just remember what it was like when you were a kid. How did you want to be treated? Treat him that way. What did your parents do right? Do that. What did they do wrong? Do the exact opposite.
It is possible to be a parent and a friend. It’s a fine line, a VERY fine line. He has to respect you and listen to you and obey you. But he’s much more likely to respect you when you respect him.
The best way to ensure a successful adult? When he’s a kid, tell him, every time he turns around, how wonderful he is, and how amazing he is, and how much you love him.
Sometimes I like to indulge it…
…my inner fangirl. I will geek out for hours on random things, from Supernatural to Conan to Fruits Basket and beyond. Sure, it’s not relevant to the real world, and I’m sure there are more constructive things I could be doing. But when Jon is at work and Eric is in bed, it’s the only way to distract myself from thinking about my littlest babies and how much I miss them every second of every day.
Sometimes I feel guilty about it, like, I DESERVE to feel like crap. If I think about anything other than how miserable I am, then I’m a horrible person. Let me tell you, guilt is a powerful thing.
But I have to have some sense of normalcy. So I’m going to stop feeling like such a schmoe and let myself feel like a normal 29 year old woman.
I have severely neglected this blog!!!
Whoa, that sucks!! Gotta get back on the ball!!! I need this little ode to myself. Keeps me sane.
I started another, separate blog, for my children in Arkansas that I never get to see or talk to. I hope someday they might come across it and know that I wasn’t some horrible monster who never thought about them. In essence, proof positive that all the brainwashing by their father was a bunch of lies, and also a way for them to know they are loved, which is the most important thing.
http://imstilltheirmommy.wordpress.com/
In other news:
We’re supposed to get some storms tomorrow. Nice.
Jon is finally going to have a day off. Thank goodness. They’ve run his poor legs off these past two weeks. Now he can relax, and he won’t be so grumpy.
